Nothing could be further from the truth when someone says to me "you were made for this" or "it's just your nature" or "what you are doing is so great, I could never....". You see I am living so far outside my comfort zone, outside of how I was made, and definitely outside of my sin nature! I was born a sinner. I was born self centered, self consumed, and selfish! There is no way around the fact that in sin I was NOT made for this! But more than 25 years ago I gave my life to Christ. I gave all of myself to Him who is above all things and who is in all things! Colossians 1:16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.
You see He came into my life, and over the last two and a half decades He's been on a mission of changing my nature. Changing my nature into His! My sin nature loves a clean house, and neat and tidy life, a life full of "me time" and a life full of date nights and personal interests. A way of life that to my nature seems enticing and fulfilling. If I had it my way my home would look like a Better Homes and Gardens magazine, and my bedroom would look like a Penterest pin up! But I am not living life inside my sin nature, I am abiding inside of God's nature, where life does not look like me at all!
You see He came into my life, and over the last two and a half decades He's been on a mission of changing my nature. Changing my nature into His! My sin nature loves a clean house, and neat and tidy life, a life full of "me time" and a life full of date nights and personal interests. A way of life that to my nature seems enticing and fulfilling. If I had it my way my home would look like a Better Homes and Gardens magazine, and my bedroom would look like a Penterest pin up! But I am not living life inside my sin nature, I am abiding inside of God's nature, where life does not look like me at all!
6 years ago while pregnant with our fourth child I had a conversation with the Lord that went something like this. "I'm finished Lord, really I'm finished. I am about to have four children and that's all I can handle. I really desire to do something other than raise children. Something other with my life. I have dreams, aspirations, and goals I'd like to achieve for myself. Oh, and I don't plan to homeschool either because there is no way to pursue these things, or to decorate and keep my house the way I want, with kids home all the time. So if it's good with you, and I'm sure it is, I'd like to be done"! Well, you can see how far that conversation got me. It got me three more children and a life full of homeschooling, laundry that never ends, meal times that run together to the point I feel I spend most of my day serving or cleaning up a meal, and a life that has absolutely no room for "me time"! You see my nature is not to clean up after others all day. It is not to hold, rock, change, disciple, read too, referee, discipline, bathe, teach, care for, and to love unconditionally! It is a battle, a daily battle, sometimes an hour by hour battle to die to myself. In my flesh I desire a different life, but in my Spirit I have made the decision to follow, to follow my savior to the cross. I have been buried. Colossians 2:12 "Having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead". All of me and all of my desires for life to look a certain "beautiful, designer, decorated, picture perfect way"! All of it was buried and now I am raised to walk life, like my makers son walked life. To love like he loved, not how I feel. To serve like he served, not like Martha Stewart. To honor my Father with my life, like Jesus honored Him. To live life in a way that reflects He lives in me. That is not my nature, but His and His alone.
